Choosing Myself First... 8 Things I Do and Do Not Do

There have been multiple periods in my life where I ate like shit, was 40 pounds overweight, drank too much, took too many drugs, smoked & dipped, did not sleep, did not exercise, did not meditate, did not do yoga, did not read, did not write, did not work hard and was broke.

In those periods of life I was really being a selfish asshole and isolationist. I was of no use to anyone and especially not myself. I was extremely unhappy and deep down all I really wanted was to be of use and service to others, but I kept falling back into the same pattern of anger, resentment, self-pity and self-destruction.

Everything would always start off well, with me energetically giving my all to other people, places and things and positive results would happen. Overtime though I'd lose energy and begin to fail, creating anger, resentment and the emergence of bad habits.

Everyday all the things I secretly wanted to do for myself would get passed by and put off for all those other people, place and things. I would string together weeks, months and years of ignoring myself and it always ended poorly. I thought I was doing the right thing by focusing on others, but really I was only becoming a victim and pissed off about it. I felt trapped in my existence and really I was, because I chose to be.

So what changed? I simply chose myself. First, I  had to learn it was ok for me to choose myself and to be my main priority. That choosing myself, my health and my well being were critically important for not only my happiness, they were necessary for me to be of service to others. I really wanted to be of service before, I was just going about it the wrong way.

The story is more involved then one day just waking up and saying "hey, I choose myself", basically I hit a bottom in my life. All of the negative habits and consequences built up to where I either had to change or give up and accept being a miserable asshole and die alone. I knew I did not want that demise.

I now have a list of things I choose to do everyday for myself. It is a list of habits and activities which I need to be my best. It is a list I make my #1 priority over everything else, including my children, because I know if I do not do these then I can regress and be of no use again. I have found my life is never static, I am either moving forward and making progress or I am going backwards.

My fear of doing these for myself was that it would anger people, how so? I have no idea, it was a completely irrational fear which was deep rooted in my subconscious. It may have been created for some protectionist reason as a child, it may have been me buying into the worlds' dream or the american dream or whatever I believed from the outside about happiness. It really doesn't matter why though.What matters is that today I have chosen myself and I do these things for myself.

Here is what I try to do everyday:
1. Get 8-10 hours of sleep per night
2. Do yoga and/or walk before breakfast in a fasting state
3. Eat breakfast high in good fats and 30g of protein
4. Meditate for 20 minutes
5. Write something and express myself in a creative manner
6. Listen to podcasts and read
7. Write a gratitude list
8. Eat healthy and supplement correctly for my diet needs

Here is what I try not to do everyday:
1. No alcohol, tobacco or drugs
2. No News in any form
3. No TV of any kind
4. No carbs for breakfast
5. No processed foods, especially processed sugary foods
6. No fast food or eating out
7. No gossip or negative people
8. Say "No" to someone or something

When I do these things I am happy. That is all I know.

I'd love to hear what you do and do not do to make sure you are sane and healthy. I read and respond to all emails - douglashilbert@yahoo.com

Say Hell Yes or No

I was king of "maybe", agreeing to keep options open, saying "yes" to things I didn't want to do, over committing, people pleasing, dating people I really wasn't into, hanging on to people places and things that weren't good for me... Basically wasting my time and passion and missing out on the potential awesome people places and things I could be engaged with.

The old adage is "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush", so settle for what I have versus risking losing it for the potential of something better. Safe? Yes... Interesting, fun, awesome? No.

Worse than that, I was always settling, stuck and not moving forward. It's very difficult to end things, cut people out, hurt feelings, walk away and start over from scratch. There is an extreme amount of fear and possible guilt or shame that comes along.

I had also defined myself as someone who "never quit"... Good character quality in some in some things and devastatingly horrible in others. Over time I stayed in negative situations simply because I did not quit and I was not going to "lose". Every minute I was in that situation I was losing and the only way for myself to win was to move on.

It's much easier not to get into bad situations than it is to get out of them. I was normally making emotional decisions to get into situations, especially romatic relationships. Even when I thought I was being logical, rational and not overly emotional, I still was making the wrong choices most of the time.

Almost every time there was some calm point of stillness in the process where I would have some serious concerns about whether I wanted to really do that or not. Normally, I still did it anyway. I would disregard my thinking or simply not dig deeper into the feelings. I was a person of action, a go-getter, a person of action, blah, blah, bullshit myself whatever.

I was always, yeah ALWAYS, doing something for some exterior reason. I wanted money, possessions, attention, sex, atta-boys, people to like me, the list is endless. All of it was external validation that I was ok. Most of the time I didn't enjoy what I was doing, but I kept doing it because I wanted the reward at the end. I would almost always get the reward and was completely unfulfilled by it, so I'd pick something different to pursue.

So, at the age of 35, for the first time I sat down to see what do I really like to do and why. It was terribly difficult and brought out fear, confusion, guilt, shame and a sufficient amount of beating the shit out of myself for the past. After getting through the negative emotions, I was extremely grateful I had woken up and had a chance to change.

It is my life, I have a choice and most of the time I now only let people places and things into my life which I say "Hell Yes" too. More importantly, if it is not a "Hell Yes", then it is a "No". It would be better to have less and do less, then load up my day with things I would rather say no to. I have learned that my time is more valuable than any of those external rewards I was thinking I wanted or needed.

Things I now do every day:
1. Meditate 2. Eat healthy and Cook 3. Exercise 4. Write and Blog 5. Make a Gratitude List 6. Read real books 7. Listen to podcasts 8. Walk the dog


Those are all very simple things I try to do every day for myself and I get some benefit and enojoyment from them all.

When presented with new options of things to do, go to, people to meet or whatever, I have to decide if I would be willing to drop one of those things sometimes. If I wouldn't be willing to compromise by not doing one of those things for just even one day then it's obvious that the answer to whatever is wanting is my attention is "No".

I still try new things, meet new people, date and put myself out there, so I'm not that rigid and set in stone. I have personally set a high bar for how I like to spend my time, when I'm trying that new thing or meeting a new person I'm absolutely judging whether I am saying "Hell Yes" and if I cannot say that, then the answer is "No." and I don't do it again.

I was going to quit and just drown

I'm 100 yards into the swim of the long course world triathlon championships in Sweden and I think I'm going to drown and die. There are safety personnel in canoes on the course to scoop out people who are done, quitting or dying. It starts to seem like a good idea to waive one down and give up to be pulled to safety as I'm hyperventilating and not really swimming forward.

The swim start was at 8am and we weren't really allowed to get into the water to acclimate to the 60 degree water. The cannon goes off and I'm not really warmed up or ready to go, I don't think I actually even had my goggles on yet.

I dive in and the immediate physical reaction to the cold water mixed with adrenaline is like getting a huge electrical shock. Panic sets in quickly. Trying to swim while hyperventilating is about impossible, like having an arm or two tied behind my back and someone punching me in the chest. Nothing is working correctly.

My brain is in complete freak out mode short circuiting my bodys' ability to perform on a any level, creating a negative feedback loop in which drowning and dying seem more and more likely as each second passes. I have gone from the excitement of starting the race to wanting to quit in 5 minutes. I'm eyeing the canoes for a savior and also thinking maybe I'd rather just drown than face myself and others saying "I quit".

I had traveled 4,400 miles to do this race. I had completed a half Ironman to qualify for this race. I had prepared and trained for 9 months to do this race. I had trained for years to qualify and be able to do this race distance. I had sacrificed other things in my life to train and to be able to race. Those thoughts began to compete with the negative thoughts for my focus and attention.

I stopped and just floated for a while, it feels like about an hour and was really maybe 15-30 seconds. I took some deep breaths and started to relax. I rolled over onto my back and took some easy backstrokes with some very deep breaths. I just kept breathing and focusing on the in and out to relax. I hit a mental and physical "reset" button and gave myself a "do-over". What had happened was over and done.

I was not going to quit and I was not going to die. All the negative thoughts my brain was presenting me were there to "help" preserve my life. I made the choice to ignore them and to continue. I was not going to give up and regret that decision the rest of my life. I was not going to throw away everything building up to this moment.

I still had 2.3 miles to swim at that point, which was a daunting task even without the initial problems. Still, I would rather have died than quit at this point. I also knew I wasn't going to die at this point, so my only choices were continue or quit. I knew the swim was going to be hard and I decided I was going to swim and I was going to finish. I turned over and started to swim slow and counted strokes to focus on swimming and not thinking.

I made a mental plan to swim 100 stokes freestyle and then swim 20 stokes backstroke for a while to stay relaxed and just make some small incremental progress. Focusing on 2 more miles to go for 2 miles would have been mental torture. Eventually I got into a groove where I dropped the backstroke out and just swam freestyle and made each buoy the next incremental goal. Within 30 minutes I had gone from wanting to die to swimming fairly well.

I got out of the water on the 2.5 mile swim in 1 hour and 22 minutes, which actually was a good time for myself and decent compared to the competition, not even the slowest. My initial goal for the swim was 1 hour and 15 minutes, so 7 minutes in what would be a 7hr 49minute race wasn't really that big of a deal. I went on to get pelted by hail on the 75 mile bike and run 18.6 miles in pain and none of it mattered, I was going to keep going and I was going to finish. It would have taken a severe injury or act of nature to stop me at this point.

 What are some things I learned?
- Don't make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling.
- Every feeling is temporary and impermanent.
- Don't quit, it will get better, then get crappy again, it doesn't matter so Just Keep Going.
- When I'm freaking out and in panic mode, Stop and Breathe.
- I'm allowed to use the "reset button" and give myself "do-overs".

This is my second greatest race experience and learning lesson, behind only the Ironman. The confidence I gained from this race, all the training, all the obstacles and overcoming difficulties are some of the things I still pull from today when life gets hard. This race was 10 years ago and still makes a positive difference in my life and hopefully sharing my experience makes a positive difference in at least one persons' life today .

I'd love to hear what experiences changed your life and helped you learn about yourself and overcome difficulties. I read and respond to all emails: douglashilbert@yahoo.com




 

How I Manage email and social media

I'm addicted to email, Facebook, Twitter and whatever else tech... This stuff is accessible 24/7, even better than a mainline of chocolate hooked up straight to my brain, it is irresistible. When I see an icon for a new email I must check it to see what it is. I must check to see what's "new" on Facebook and Twitter feeds. When I have 30 seconds standing in line at the store I go for the phone to get a fix. It's basically insanity.

I am reacting like a dog to external stimulation, the majority of which is noise and not relevant to my day or me, probably ever. If I get 100 emails a day, maybe 1 is actually time sensitive and maybe another 2 are actually important for that day. The other 90+ are spam, ads, people wanting me to do something, ask a question, occupy my time, waste my time or whatever, they are not important or not necessarily needing an immediate or even timely response.

Even though I know I am addicted, the knowledge on its' own is not enough to stop the behavior. I will sit there, see the icon, tell myself not to look at the phone and bam, even though I am actively mentally resisting the action I still do it. Then I m'f myself for looking and actually go ahead and gorge on email, Facebook, Twitter and maybe even Pinterest. Once I crack, I'm cracking all the way.

So, I have to enact rules and strategies to combat this problem, and it really is a problem on a few levels.

First, every time I switch tasks or become distracted it takes mental energy and physical time to refocus on what I was initially doing. Subsequently, once I lose focus, the probability of me not completing what I was working on goes up significantly. I see a Facebook post, click the link, start to browse links online and I'm 15 tabs deep on something and forgot what I was doing 10 minutes earlier. Happens all the time.

More importantly, I do not like feeling addicted and a slave to email and social media. I have effectively cut out radio and TV news already and had a positive affect. While I choose not to totally eliminate email and social media, I know I need to take control of them and manage them so they are positive in my life and not negative. I can no longer be a passive victim to them, so I need to change.

Here are some simple steps I have taken to manage technology in my life:
1. No email or social media before breakfast - Upon waking the first thing I was doing in bed was checking emails, none of which were ever important b/c I checked it the previous night at 10pm and no one was emailing me anything important overnight. Normally it was 30 ads and a few newsletters which I may or may not ever read. Then I'd lay there and check Facebook and Twitter next. 30-45 minutes later I'm pissed off for wasting my time b/c none of it mattered.

I've been doing this for 8 days now and I have not missed one important overnight email and as for Facebook and Twitter, I didn't miss anything b/c really none of that is important any way. I feel less stressed and I have more time to get done for myself what I need too. I'm making myself my #1 priority first thing in the day, which helps build positive self-esteem and is a good self-care routine.

2. I turned off Push / Fetch email function on my phone - My phone was initially set up to push email to me. A "1" would pop up on the mail icon of my phone to immediately alert me of a new email. Once I saw the "1" I was checking it without conscious thought most of the time. I was a mindless habit to check it and 90% of the time it was spam or an ad. I'd then get pissed I wasted my time checking my email to see an ad, but I wouldn't waste the time to unsubscribe, so I'd keep getting them. I could not, not check it b/c "what if the email is important?"... It never was or it never was something which could not have waited at least a few hours. If it's really critical someone would call or text me, like in a real emergency, they would not email me.

I have since turned of push and even fetch, which was an option for the phone to check my email for me every 15, 30, 45 or 60 minutes. I have chosen to check email at 8am, 10am, 12pm, 2pm and 4pm and only those times. Physically having to click the icon to check it gives me that moment to tell myself it's not time and the ability to resist the desire to check it works. I just could not resist checking it when I was alerted there was something new there. I see friends who have 4002 emails they haven't opened and I'm jealous of their ability not to check and read and delete them all, that's not me for sure!

3. Turned off cellular data for social media - I was checking Facebook and Twitter over and over and over to see what was "new" and really, there is never anything new that I could not live without and I'd say there was likely never anything important which actually affected my life. For family, I could just go to their profiles when I wanted to see new photos of their kids and whatever else is important. Every time I was checking feeds I was basically living other peoples' lives and not my own. Not that social media is not good for downtime or entertainment, as social media is fairly entertaining, I knew I was wasting my time and nothing positive was coming from it.

I'm not ready to eliminate social media and I do use it for work, which makes managing it a bit trickier. So, for now I turned off cellular data for social media so I can only access and check them when I am on Wi-Fi. I also leave Wi-Fi off because when I have to actively turn on Wi-Fi, log into a network and then check a feed I just don't do it. It seems like a lot of work mentally and the payoff of what may be on the feed isn't worth the effort.

4. Turn off alerts in Notification Center - Just like alerts for new emails I was also getting alerts of all kinds for social media. So I'd get a "1" when someone tagged me, friended me, messaged me or whatever else happens on social media. Again, nothing of significant importance and definitely nothing time sensitive. Still, once I saw that notification "1" I was mindlessly checking it to see what it was.

This one is pretty easy and obvious, although I have to go back to the notification center every few days b/c some of the apps have this magic ability to turn themselves back on somehow, it's freaking annoying.


I am the master of my phone and have set it up so I am in control of it and rarely ever reacting to it and now, never a victim to it and thus have not wanted to throw it into traffic once this week. I am using it to my advantage, as with any tool, and most importantly when I need it. I needed to structure the system, so I am not distracted and not surprised and not addicted to the constant stimulation.

I am more important to myself in my life than any of the inputs trying to get into my brain from the outside world. This makes me happier, calmer and actually in a better place to respond to those few important emails I get a day. I also have more time to think and be creative. I find I have added time and am less rushed. Overall, my quality of life has improved by implementing these small changes to manage technology.

I'd love to hear your ideas on how you manage email and social media as well!

I read and respond to every email, just not within 20 seconds :)
douglashilbert@yahoo.com

Zen and the Art of Doug Maintenance

Today I had a dentist appointment... because something was wrong. Actually, something had been wrong for a while, but I waited and procrastinated until I thought I might need teeth removed before actually doing something about it. I had not been to the dentist since January 2012 apparently, or that's factually, so I had not been in 2 years and 10 months. 

Why not? Well I likely cancelled an appointment and then making a new one landed on my to-do list and well, it just never got done. At a certain point I knew I needed to go and created a mental block of not wanting to go b/c I'd be embarrassed for not going and now having issues. I also didn't want to know the bad news, so out of fear I was avoiding going and potentially hearing something negative. Of course, I did not know what was wrong and when I left today, everything will be fine, so my worst fears weren't even close to reality. FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real. 

I am and have been notoriously horrible at routine maintenance in all aspects of my life. For example, right now I'm a few thousand miles over the 10,000 miles between oil changes. I know I'm over mileage, it's on a sticker on my windshield, the car digitally tells me every time I turn it on, it's not expensive to do and not really even a large time commitment. I just haven't gotten to it yet.

I started a To-Do list in the notes section of my iPhone... The dentist was on there for a while and when I made the appointment Tuesday, I noticed I had not updated my to-do list for 22 days... Not so effective apparently. The oil change is on there, along with making a medical appointment, getting a bid on fixing my windshield, calling a plumber and meeting my tattoo artist. Nothing life or death there, but they are things hanging open I am not getting done. 

Not going for my dental cleaning or oil change on time do not directly result in a catastrophe the next day, but they can over 6 months, 1 year, 2 years or 10 years. With the distance between the negative consequences and the lack of action today there is a mental disconnect which appears. I can rationalize putting it off another day b/c "what's one more day"... Until one more day becomes one year or my car breaks down, home falls apart or health fails. 

Mentally, the small dings to my self esteem for not completing anything on my to-do list leads to me ignoring the existence of the list altogether, problem being I still know it's there. I just keep battling myself, rationalizing, mentally masturbating and eventually just saying "fuck it, I don't care". It never really goes away and nothing improves until I simply just complete the items on the list.  Again, none of them are hard to do in any way. The only roadblock in the situation appears to be me, so the solution lies in changing me. 

Maintenance is not exciting, in my opinion it is boring and safe and normal and thus, maintenance and my self-image don't really mesh well. Maintenance is conforming and I say "fuck the man and fuck the system" and then my teeth fall out or car breaks down. Not getting my oil changed or teeth cleaned doesn't make me a rebel or maverick, it makes me irresponsible. I assume even the Hells Angels do routine maintenance on their motorcycles. 

I also like to live free and not under the control of others or systems or whatever, mostly to my own self detriment at times. When I was young I was going to grow up and do whatever the hell I wanted, when I wanted and now look at how that worked out! It's a good day when I make my bed, brush my teeth and floss, meditate, workout, eat well, go to bed at a normal time and all kinds of other "normal" basic things. I can accomplish great things which require great effort, like an Ironman triathlon, but try to get me to make my bed every morning and it becomes a challenge.

Basically I have ADD, until I find something to OCD about... That pretty much explains how the monkey brain operates this thing called Doug. The ADD is easily bored and not stimulated by such boring things like oil changes and it seeks around all day looking for something exciting to get into... When the ADD finds the excitement it then turns the OCD on and I'm hooked. I've known this for some time, so unfortunately intellectual knowledge did not solve the problem. 

In the past I have been extremely OCD with my schedule, training and diet and drove myself fucking insane trying to perfectly complete it on a daily basis... Thus, my next strategy was to simply have no schedule and just make shit up daily as I go. I can't obsess over something that doesn't exist, so problem solved right? Not so much. I traded the stress of trying to be perfect with the stress of being totally out of control and having to react to everything. So, I've tried each extreme end of the spectrum and neither works for me. 

So what works that I've found??? 

First, I needed to change my opinion of maintenance to one where it benefits me. I benefit with lower costs of not fixing large problems, I benefit with increased self-esteem from completing goals, I benefit as my health, vehicle and home are in better condition, I benefit with decreased future stress, and so on... It's so responsible sounding I feel old! 

Second, I needed to change my opinion of myself. I can still be a maverick, rebel, free or whatever and also maintain things I need in my life, especially my health. The two are not mutually exclusive and really it's not cool to be irresponsible, which is what I was really being. 

Third, I implemented some tools to assist: 

Meditation - An antidote for ADD and OCD... My meditation practice is designed to increase Mindfulness. ADD is being distracted and jumping from thing to thing until I find something to OCD, obsess, about. Then I'm lost for hours down the rabbit hole of whatever I'm OCD over. Mindfulness meditation practice teaches me to focus on something, my breath, and when I lose focus I simply refocus, over and over and over. This helps me stay focused in the rest of the normal/routine day and also allows me to notice when I am obsessing over something and being able to detach from it sooner to not waste time. 

Lift.do - It's a website (www.lift.do) where I enter my goals, how many times a week or day I want to do them, then I go in and check them off when I do them. It's all public and there are many other people doing the same thing. There is something to setting goals, even simple ones, and making them public so I am accountable. I don't know any of the other people on the website, but for some reason I feel like I need to do the things I set goals for b/c I want to check off I did it. 

My 4 goals on Lift right now:

1.  Meditate Daily

2.  Blog 5 days per week

3.  No email before Breakfast (I've actually changed mine to 10am)

4.  No alcohol 

A great resource for working on this is the Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande

http://atulgawande.com/book/the-checklist-manifesto/

I'd love to hear your scheduling routine, tips and other ideas!

I read and reply to all emails - douglashilbert@yahoo.com 

When I Stop Complaining

"People won't have time for you if you are always angry or complaining." - Stephen Hawking

If anyone has a reason to complain, it may be Stephen Hawking. He is almost paralyzed from a motor neuron disease related to Lou Gehrig's disease. It has continually gotten worse over his lifetime and now he communicates with a computer speech generator. Yet, I've never read a quote in which he complains about his physical health condition, ever. 

Complain (verb): 1. to express dissatifaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment or grief; find fault



To deconstruct the word and it's use = Complaints are by definition human "expression", they are thus not necessarily factual or true. Complaints are my expression of dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment and grief or my finding of fault with a person, place, thing or event.

It is human to not like certain people, places, things or events and it is human to have emotional reactions to those things. It is not a requirement that I attach to those negative emotions, form mental constructs and speak them out loud though. That is my choice. 

Like Stephen Hawkings' quote, I don't like hanging around people who are angry or complain all the time either. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting for me to sit and listen to someone drone on and on about all the things wrong. It makes me want to complain about how much they complain! Thus, my solution is to avoid them or if stuck in their prescence I zone out and say "hmmm, hmmm..." a lot. I build walls and install filters to protect myself from complainers and the negativity. Not the best way to connect as humans.  

When I complain it is simply me emotionally reacting to situations, attaching to the subsequent emotions/thoughts and then, not being mindful, expressing those thoughts through my behavior and speech. I'm on emotional auto-pilot, the lizard is driving the brain and who knows what I'm going to say or do. It can ruin an entire day and really annoy everyone I run into when I complain about whatever happened b/c of so and so. Really, no one else cares what I'm complaining about any way.

The main issue I have with complaining is that there is no solution presented for the problem, just commentary about the problem and why the problem is so bad. If someone makes a complaint and presents a solution that is awesome, as I think if there is a solution presented then it really isn't a complaint. Someone just told a story of something they did not like and what they are going to do to change it. Otherwise... No solution = just complaining.

America and americans are the world champions of complaning and then presenting no solutions. The news, government, friends, family, co-workers, everyone does it... Complaints and complaints and complaints and very few solutions. Complaining and being offended have now become ways of pretending to do something when in reality, it's just complaining, nothing is actually being done and no problems are being solved.

A perfect example, on a minute by minute basis, is Facebook posts, which 90% of seem to be simply reposts of complaints, not even new original posts with new personal complaints. The complaining is so lazy online that people just share others' complaints and maybe write a sentence about how horrible something is. This may be a news flash - No protest or Facebook post ever changed anyones mind - ever.

I used to complain all the time and felt justified in my complaining because I was "right" or someone screwed me or something wasn't fair. Well, maybe those judgments were true but they didn't change the reality of what had happened. Life is not fair, I don't always get what I want, I do lose and lose often. I've lost a lot of money, houses, cars, businesses, my health, my mind, been divorced and had a lot of "bad things happen to me". Complaining about any of them did not fix the problem, which the whole time, the problem was me.

Complaining is a surefire sign of me being a victim (also a narcissist). Being a victim is helpless, weak, passive and I have found being a victim does not work for me being successful or happy. So I've been working on not complaining, which is much easier said than done. I didn't realize all the small complaints I made every day. I could catch myself bitch and moan about some large things, but there were many small irritants I was reacting to on a daily basis.

When presented with a negative emotional state like anger and wanting to complain, I now try to practice the 4 R's:

1. RECOGNIZE: I have an uneasy mindset (anger, frustration, dissapointment) at this time b/c of x, y or z (whatever is not going my way)

2. REFRAIN: Stop and take a breath, don't do anything, don't react, don't say anything stupid... If it's bad take a deep breath in and exhale forcefully until no more air can be blown out... Repeat

3. RELAX: Keep breathing and accept the temporary nature of the situation I am in. Accept the old way of complaining doesn't solve any problems and the emotions and negative thoughts will pass.

4. RESOLVE: When removed from the situation and not emotionally charged - Construct a solution to the situation which brought about the uneasy mindset... if there is no solution, accept it and let it go

To do a No Complaining challenge visit "A Complaint Free World":
http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org/

I'd love to hear your experiences with No Complaining!

I read all emails - douglashilbert@yahoo.com

  

   

No News = Happier

When Ferguson exploded I had this immediate reaction that I wanted to "know" more about what was going on. So, I turned on the news that Monday morning and logged into Facebook and Twitter to see what was being said by all the "experts".

After all, I work in north county a few days a week, I was listing a home for sale in Ferguson a mile from the Quiktrip, our company manages many rental homes in Ferguson and thus - I had many rational and logical reasons to know what is going on.

From then on, I was constantly listening to news on the radio, turning on the TV - then changing channels for more "news"... I was checking my Facebook feed and reloading my twitter feed... I was searching hashtags and clicking links and and and... Essentially, my brain became addicted to the situation and Insanity had taken over.

In the case of Ferguson... What was I going to do about anything going on? Nothing. Was it directly affecting me in any moment in time? No. Was the 'news' I was learning helping me make any decisions in my life? No. Is my opinion about Ferguson important? No. Do I have enough factual information to even have an opinion? No.

In the case of anything else on the local or national or political or business news... What was I going to do about any of it? Nothing. Was it directly affecting me in any moment in time? No. Was the 'news' I was learning helping me make any decisions in my life? No. Does anyone care about my opinion of any of it? No.

When discovering something brings me no positive benefit there is only one sane choice - it must be eliminated. Thus, 'No News' began. 

I am not sure of the exact date, I now likely have over 60 days of no news. Now I can't 100% avoid the news with a computer and iPhone, so I'm not perfectly avoiding it; I have installed a filter over what I am allowing in my brain. I see posts and make a choice to not read them, engage with them, comment on them. It's difficult sometimes, I read a headline and want to click the link and get sucked in, so it's still an active effort. Progress not perfection!

What have I found since doing this?
- I'm generally happier and more positive
- More time to do what I want to do
- Less worry and anxiety over things I cannot control
- Better communication/connections with people as I don't default to discussing the news
- I have not missed one news event which directly affected me as no news events have directly affected me