8 Things I Do ~ Write Creatively

I will likely reread and edit this blog post 5 times at a minimum and hesitate to hit publish for 5-10 minutes before doing it. How am I ever going to write the book I've been wanting to write since 2008???

Well, "practice makes permanent", so I am just going to keep writing and eventually I may stop worrying about the audience and being perfect. Writing is therapy for me, it is about overcoming fear and rejection.

8 lessons I have learned from James Altucher when I write: 

1. Bleed in the First Line - Being vulnerable, open, honest and writing something I don't feel 100% comfortable saying. I've never connected with a perfect person, so the less perfect I pretend to be hopefully the better the reader or audience can connect to me, which is what I want, connection.

2. Be Honest - Only through honesty is there value. There are a million other writers telling everyone how great everything is and how to be perfect if you do 72 things they say. I connect with James b/c he bared all his shit for the world and I can understand him and relate to him, without even knowing him personally.

3. Don't Be Afraid of What People Think - This is the hardest for me. I'm constantly self-judging what an imagined audience is thinking about what I write. The general public, friends and family are rarely judgmental so I'm just making it all up in my head. Every time I write I lessen this fake judgment and it becomes easier.

4. Steal - I'm copying these tips from James blog and simply saying how I use them... And I will make a entire blog post out of it. Here is a link to his article to give him some props: http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2011/03/33-unusual-tips-to-being-a-better-writer/

5. Risk - Write something that has some risk in it. Personal risk, reputation risk, relationship risk (not in a manner which will hurt people) but something which puts me out there bare for the public. My writing needs to push my boundaries so I can grow and become better. Risk also attracts readers and keeps them engaged. I will read risk, I will not read 10 tips to be perfect from a fake perfect author.

6. Write Every Day - It's in my list of 8 Things I Do everyday. I might only write the title or a few sentences and sometimes I delete it all or save it for much later. I write something every day simply to get the shit out of my head. It gets me off my problems and to do list, like a brain vacation. It also hits some fears, issues and personal barriers I need to work through. James has a 2 day rule, he says if you don't write for 2 days you go back to being a shitty writer. I would agree from my experience so far. It's like going to the gym, it's hard to restart from a break.

7. Write with the Same Voice I Talk In - My Grandmother was an English teacher so I can write a damn good term paper, research paper and analytical article. This is not the time to write like that though. In real life I say shit and fuck, a lot, so writing like I talk has been more challenging that I thought, but I think I'm doing a better job.

8.  Be Very Afraid - James says 'Don't hit publish unless I am afraid of what people will think of me.' That one I don't have to work on b/c it's a voice which is always in my head. Maybe one day it will go away, but that day will likely be when I am dead. Until then, being afraid of publishing is a great signal I have written something open, honest and hopefully useful to the reader.

Like working out and meditating, my writing is more for myself than you, sorry. I'd love to see everyone write and get some of the benefits I have. I am not making money or really even getting a lot of hits or feedback, but I am learning about myself and improving every time I take the action and hit publish.

I'd love to hear your experiences with writing. I read and answer all emails ~ douglashilbert@yahoo.com

For past "Letters to My Son" blogs go to ~ doughilbert.blogspot.com

8 Things I Do ~ Meditate

So the Time meditation photo cover is from 2003... Yeah, almost 12 years ago... So why are people still not meditating???

It's hard.

I do not meditate every day. It is my goal or intention to meditate every day and I fail to meet that goal or intention from time to time. The laundry list of excuses why I do not meditate is endless, literally. I could use anything for an excuse not to meditate, even though I know the benefits, both intellectually and spiritually.

It is said the brain is like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, which it is. I prefer the metaphor of a dog on a leash, pulling its' owner all over the place on a walk. The dog is walking the owner, not the owner walking the dog. Just as my brain is controlling my true self, not my true self controlling my brain.

I practice Vipassana, which is "insight" meditation. I have practiced with Buddhist monks, nuns and lay persons at temples and other centers, as well as on retreats. From day one I was taught to focus on the breath and just observe the thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations that arise. 6 years later I am doing the same thing. It is a practice and in my practice, there is no goal, I just observe.

If my meditation had a goal, I'd fuck it up by trying too hard to achieve it, like most americans. When I want something, especially if its' good for me, then I want it now, I want more of it and I ruin it. I don't really have an "off" switch when I'm engaged in something I like, especially with a goal. So, all I do is meditate and observe what happens, nothing else. I may move on in my practice at some time in my life and maybe I will not.

I have a love-hate relationship with meditation. I, my true self, loves it because of the concentration, focus and other positive qualities I develop and hone. My brain hates it because the brain does not want to be trained or controlled, just like that untrained dog on a leash fighting its' owner. There are days now when I meditate and it is more challenging or difficult than the first time I ever meditated. There are days when the timer goes off and I feel like I just sat down and it took little effort.

I now meditate for 20 minutes a day. That seems to be enough time where I can get past the initial sensory overload, body aches and racing thoughts about what's going on that day or "important". I used to sit for 40-60 minutes and have done up to 2 hours at one time. I think that is some of my resistance now as I am judging 20 minutes to not be as "good" as 40 or 60 or 120 minutes. Really, it doesn't matter, it's the brain lying to me.

I sit, mostly cross legged now (it does not need to be done in lotus position floating in mid air) and I simply count my breaths... "One, this is my in breath; One, this is my out breath; Two, this is my in breath; Two, this is my out breath..." and so on up to 10 and then reverse back down to 1.

When I lose count, and I always do at some point, I simply take a deep breath and start over at 1. I do not judge myself as bad or say I messed up. I simply smile, relax and just start anew. Even if I could do it perfectly, what does it matter, I don't win meditation by being perfect.

When I try too hard to concentrate on the counting I'll blow past 10 and get to 25 before I notice I didn't stop. When I am absent minded, normally chasing thought rabbits down holes, I'll forget to count entirely and engage in the fantasy my brain is presenting me. Either way, I just observe it, catch myself, recenter and start over at 1.

The main things I have learned from meditation are:
- I AM NOT MY THOUGHTS
- I AM NOT MY FEELINGS
- I AM NOT MY EMOTIONS
- I AM NOT MY BRAIN
- I AM NOT MY 5 SENSES
- I AM NOT MY BODY

I am the one watching those things, The Observer. I am who I am, that is it. No labels, no attachments to the body or brain and the thoughts, feelings and emotions it delivers to me. 

I'd love to hear your experiences with meditation and would love to help anyone getting started. I read and answer all emails ~ douglashilbert@yahoo.comFor all past "Letters to my Son" blogs visit ~ doughilbert.blogspot.com

8 Things I Do ~ Eat Breakfast High in Fat & Protein

I used to get up, drink a pot of black coffee, smoke or chew tobacco and take some psych meds to "wake up". This of course was followed by a night of crappy sleep and likely some alcohol intake. Breakfast did not exist for years, unless it was a 2am trip to some diner.

Part three of my morning routine is now "breakfast". After getting the best nights' sleep I can, then doing some easy moderate exercise like yoga and walking fasted, I've now prepared myself for some caloric intake. I say caloric intake as it's not always solid food.

I start every morning with "Bulletproof Coffee", which is now fairly well known and popular, with coffee shops on the left coast actually offering it for customers to purchase, probably for $5 when it costs pennies to make. It has been made famous and is trademarked by Dave Asprey, a pretty awesome guy I like to follow, who has the Bulletproof Executive site and brand.

I use the traditional recipe ~ blending black coffee, 2 tablespoons of organic expeller pressed Coconut Oil and 2 tablespoons of Grassfed Unsalted Butter. That gets me 440 calories from 52g of fat, 0g of carbs and 0g of protein.

If I'm going to train hard that day I will also make some eggs and bacon or sausage. Any combination which will get me to about the 30g of protein level. Some research I've read shows 30g is about the max the body will be able to store or use at a time and the rest has a higher likelihood of being coverted to carbs through gluconeogenesis.

Starting the day with high fat and some protein helps keep my blood sugar in balance, with no noticeable spikes or sugar cravings through the day. I'll bracket some carbs around or within my training as insulin production is shut down during exercise.

This is one of the more simple and easily accomplished changes I've made to set myself up for better days and better health.

I'd love to hear your experience w/ Bullettproof coffee, high fat diets and anything else. I read and answer all emails ~ douglashilbert@yahoo.com

For all past "Letters to my Son" blogs go to doughilbert.blogspot.com

8 Things I Do ~ Walk or Yoga in a Morning Fasting State

I have found fasting to be fairly helpful in fat loss, increased aerobic performance, improved recovery and general overall better health.

From dinner or a late night snack to waking, there is a 8-12 hour "fast" already. So, I typically have a cup of black coffee and then do a 20-30 minute round of easy yoga and walk the dog briskly, maybe light jogging a little even.

Then I will normally eat a 800-1000 calorie breakfast high in fats and protein with minimal carbs and zero simple sugars.

I'm not doing any 6am long endurance training, high intensity interval training or heavy weightlifting. If I was I would not do those in a fasted state and would take calories to consume while training. It would depend on the total overall length of training and how quickly I could eat after training. I'd say 2 hours or more and I would absolutely take in some calories. What I consume during exercise is less of a concern from a sugar standpoint as insulin production is normally "turned off" during exercise (It's a bit more complicated than that)

This is a skill to be developed and I'd say it's mostly a mental skill as I have access to food pretty much 24/7/365, unlike humans tens of thousands of years ago, or even humans in most parts of the world today. The body has enough stores of carbs (~2,000 calories) and fat (~50,000 calories) to have no problem fueling easy aerobic training in a fasted state.

Not dumping carbs into the body early in the morning also aids in not having mid-morning cravings or overeating at lunch. There is no blood sugar drops, no need for more coffee, no need for sugars at lunch and as a result no mid-afternoon crash or nap needed after lunch. A completely successful day begins with a good start in the morning.

Knowing all of that, there really is no reason to need to eat before an easy workout. Just like there is no reason to need to consume a gel or carb drink during a 5k run (or even a marathon) if properly fat-adapated, which is my goal in adding this fasting to my practice.

I read and answer all emails ~ douglashilbert@yahoo.com

For all "Letters to My Son" blogs ~ doughilbert.blogspot.com

8 Things I Do to Sleep

I think I got about 7 hours and 20 minutes of sleep last night. Really, I was in bed for 7 hours and 20 minutes, so my total sleep time would be less than that. Then count the three times I got up during the night b/c my son woke me up and the one time I had to use the bathroom. So, I probably got maybe 4-6 hours of sleep in reality. Not exactly the prime example to be writing about sleep :)

Of all the things I need to do for myself, my health, my wellness and my sanity - Sleep is by far the most important of all of them. Sleep is also the most challenging. I've made some important life changes and sleep today is 100% better than it was in the past. Now a bad night is the example above, where I at least got through one REM cycle. In the past I likely go no REM for years if not decades, and it drove me insane. 

Why did I have major difficulty sleeping? Poor sleep hygiene, not thinking it was important, racing thoughts / stress / anxiety, poor lifestyle choices and to top it off sleep apnea. 

Not sleeping for years or decades really was taking a toll on my body and mind. Every morning I would awake exhausted, needing multiple rounds of alarms to actually get up. I never had that morning where I jumped out of bed excited for the day, never. Most of the time I was hungover too.

When I would get up it was immediately to drink coffee or take some other type of stimulant to "wake up". No coffee or stimulant and I would normally go into an internal panic mode wondering how I would function for the day. Even if I just had to get up to make the coffee, that would likely add 2 rounds of snooze debating whether I was willing to get up to make it. If I was out of coffee I'd literally drive miles out of my way to get it. The whole morning centered on getting my fix to function.  

I would not eat breakfast and simply pound coffee until lunch. When lunch would come my blood sugar would be wrecked and I'd be starving, so I'd eat some shitty sugary processed food. Then I'd crash from that mid afternoon and go for the second pot of coffee or smoke a pack of cigarettes or take some stimulants to "wake up". 

Fast forward to the evening and I'm wired with my mind racing from the day. I know I won't sleep so what helps? I'll just drink alcohol to pass out because I know that works. It works to make me pass out; it does not work for sleep. I'm trapped in a cycle of stimulants and depressants, all because I've never sleep well. 

So what do I do now to improve my sleep?

1. I make my room Pitch Black with no lights at all... I've removed all electronics, no TV, no radio, nothing which emits any artificial light. I have dark shades on the windows too. If you need or have those things in your bedroom, cover up the light with some electrical tape. I don't wear a sleep mask and hear those work well also. 

2. No Screens before bed. All screens emit "blue light" wave frequencies, which are major disruptors of melatonin. So, no computer, cell phones or tablets hours before bed. If you need to use them there is screen dimming software (https://justgetflux.com/) or there are plastic screen covers which block the blue light frequencies. (www.lowbluelights.com) I may start switching out light bulbs next to see how that works. 

3. No alcohol... Goes without explanation there. Some people can do a small amount and have no negative effect. I just know it does not work for me. 

4. Keep the house at 62-64 degrees... It's easier for me to sleep in the cold. Not so cold it wakes me up. In the winter I'll throw on compression socks to avoid being "too cold". 

5. Improved Diet... I've made what some consider extreme diet changes and it has been crucial to my sleep hygiene. I could write a book on my diet changes, but some simple things to try are - Eat less sugar and processed foods. That alone will improve sleep. I've been able to reverse sleep apnea with diet alone, so it works. 

If I'm hungry before bed I will eat a high fat / high protein snack - normally Almond Butter as it has a small amount of sugar to help stabilize blood sugar through the night. 

6. Supplements - I use Passionflower Extract if I wake up during the night to help me go back to sleep. Some people use melatonin and report good results. I do not use melatonin because I've read mixed research on whether prolonged use down regulates (turns off) the body's natural ability to produce it. 

7. Take a cold shower - Yeah, it works for sleep too!

8. Meditation - I meditate every day, sometimes within the hour or two before bed. It's part of a daily routine for my mental health. Along with journaling and writing a gratitude list, meditation is a key for my emotional balance. When I do those things during the day I don't have the racing thoughts and anxiety when my head hits the pillow. 

Those are some really simple things I do to improve my sleep quality and they work for me. I still don't have any mornings where I jump out of bed whistling and skipping around, but I feel 1000x better. 

I'd love to hear your ideas and what challenges and success stories with sleep you have. I read and answer all emails - douglashilbert@yahoo.com 

P.S. added 01/22/2015 -

9. Turn off electricity in my bedroom - So I've been hearing about Electromagnetic Fields and the potential of health concerns from exposure to them and how they can negatively impact sleep through disruption of melatonin. I'm not 100% sure on the science as I'm just investigating it. 

Whether a real or trumped up concern, it seemed reasonable to turn off the breaker to the power in my bedroom as a general precaution. Especially as there is an outlet right by my head when I sleep. 

Other steps I am taking are turning off the Wi-Fi router at night and not sleeping with my phone within arms reach.

Choosing Myself First... 8 Things I Do and Do Not Do

There have been multiple periods in my life where I ate like shit, was 40 pounds overweight, drank too much, took too many drugs, smoked & dipped, did not sleep, did not exercise, did not meditate, did not do yoga, did not read, did not write, did not work hard and was broke.

In those periods of life I was really being a selfish asshole and isolationist. I was of no use to anyone and especially not myself. I was extremely unhappy and deep down all I really wanted was to be of use and service to others, but I kept falling back into the same pattern of anger, resentment, self-pity and self-destruction.

Everything would always start off well, with me energetically giving my all to other people, places and things and positive results would happen. Overtime though I'd lose energy and begin to fail, creating anger, resentment and the emergence of bad habits.

Everyday all the things I secretly wanted to do for myself would get passed by and put off for all those other people, place and things. I would string together weeks, months and years of ignoring myself and it always ended poorly. I thought I was doing the right thing by focusing on others, but really I was only becoming a victim and pissed off about it. I felt trapped in my existence and really I was, because I chose to be.

So what changed? I simply chose myself. First, I  had to learn it was ok for me to choose myself and to be my main priority. That choosing myself, my health and my well being were critically important for not only my happiness, they were necessary for me to be of service to others. I really wanted to be of service before, I was just going about it the wrong way.

The story is more involved then one day just waking up and saying "hey, I choose myself", basically I hit a bottom in my life. All of the negative habits and consequences built up to where I either had to change or give up and accept being a miserable asshole and die alone. I knew I did not want that demise.

I now have a list of things I choose to do everyday for myself. It is a list of habits and activities which I need to be my best. It is a list I make my #1 priority over everything else, including my children, because I know if I do not do these then I can regress and be of no use again. I have found my life is never static, I am either moving forward and making progress or I am going backwards.

My fear of doing these for myself was that it would anger people, how so? I have no idea, it was a completely irrational fear which was deep rooted in my subconscious. It may have been created for some protectionist reason as a child, it may have been me buying into the worlds' dream or the american dream or whatever I believed from the outside about happiness. It really doesn't matter why though.What matters is that today I have chosen myself and I do these things for myself.

Here is what I try to do everyday:
1. Get 8-10 hours of sleep per night
2. Do yoga and/or walk before breakfast in a fasting state
3. Eat breakfast high in good fats and 30g of protein
4. Meditate for 20 minutes
5. Write something and express myself in a creative manner
6. Listen to podcasts and read
7. Write a gratitude list
8. Eat healthy and supplement correctly for my diet needs

Here is what I try not to do everyday:
1. No alcohol, tobacco or drugs
2. No News in any form
3. No TV of any kind
4. No carbs for breakfast
5. No processed foods, especially processed sugary foods
6. No fast food or eating out
7. No gossip or negative people
8. Say "No" to someone or something

When I do these things I am happy. That is all I know.

I'd love to hear what you do and do not do to make sure you are sane and healthy. I read and respond to all emails - douglashilbert@yahoo.com

Say Hell Yes or No

I was king of "maybe", agreeing to keep options open, saying "yes" to things I didn't want to do, over committing, people pleasing, dating people I really wasn't into, hanging on to people places and things that weren't good for me... Basically wasting my time and passion and missing out on the potential awesome people places and things I could be engaged with.

The old adage is "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush", so settle for what I have versus risking losing it for the potential of something better. Safe? Yes... Interesting, fun, awesome? No.

Worse than that, I was always settling, stuck and not moving forward. It's very difficult to end things, cut people out, hurt feelings, walk away and start over from scratch. There is an extreme amount of fear and possible guilt or shame that comes along.

I had also defined myself as someone who "never quit"... Good character quality in some in some things and devastatingly horrible in others. Over time I stayed in negative situations simply because I did not quit and I was not going to "lose". Every minute I was in that situation I was losing and the only way for myself to win was to move on.

It's much easier not to get into bad situations than it is to get out of them. I was normally making emotional decisions to get into situations, especially romatic relationships. Even when I thought I was being logical, rational and not overly emotional, I still was making the wrong choices most of the time.

Almost every time there was some calm point of stillness in the process where I would have some serious concerns about whether I wanted to really do that or not. Normally, I still did it anyway. I would disregard my thinking or simply not dig deeper into the feelings. I was a person of action, a go-getter, a person of action, blah, blah, bullshit myself whatever.

I was always, yeah ALWAYS, doing something for some exterior reason. I wanted money, possessions, attention, sex, atta-boys, people to like me, the list is endless. All of it was external validation that I was ok. Most of the time I didn't enjoy what I was doing, but I kept doing it because I wanted the reward at the end. I would almost always get the reward and was completely unfulfilled by it, so I'd pick something different to pursue.

So, at the age of 35, for the first time I sat down to see what do I really like to do and why. It was terribly difficult and brought out fear, confusion, guilt, shame and a sufficient amount of beating the shit out of myself for the past. After getting through the negative emotions, I was extremely grateful I had woken up and had a chance to change.

It is my life, I have a choice and most of the time I now only let people places and things into my life which I say "Hell Yes" too. More importantly, if it is not a "Hell Yes", then it is a "No". It would be better to have less and do less, then load up my day with things I would rather say no to. I have learned that my time is more valuable than any of those external rewards I was thinking I wanted or needed.

Things I now do every day:
1. Meditate 2. Eat healthy and Cook 3. Exercise 4. Write and Blog 5. Make a Gratitude List 6. Read real books 7. Listen to podcasts 8. Walk the dog


Those are all very simple things I try to do every day for myself and I get some benefit and enojoyment from them all.

When presented with new options of things to do, go to, people to meet or whatever, I have to decide if I would be willing to drop one of those things sometimes. If I wouldn't be willing to compromise by not doing one of those things for just even one day then it's obvious that the answer to whatever is wanting is my attention is "No".

I still try new things, meet new people, date and put myself out there, so I'm not that rigid and set in stone. I have personally set a high bar for how I like to spend my time, when I'm trying that new thing or meeting a new person I'm absolutely judging whether I am saying "Hell Yes" and if I cannot say that, then the answer is "No." and I don't do it again.

I was going to quit and just drown

I'm 100 yards into the swim of the long course world triathlon championships in Sweden and I think I'm going to drown and die. There are safety personnel in canoes on the course to scoop out people who are done, quitting or dying. It starts to seem like a good idea to waive one down and give up to be pulled to safety as I'm hyperventilating and not really swimming forward.

The swim start was at 8am and we weren't really allowed to get into the water to acclimate to the 60 degree water. The cannon goes off and I'm not really warmed up or ready to go, I don't think I actually even had my goggles on yet.

I dive in and the immediate physical reaction to the cold water mixed with adrenaline is like getting a huge electrical shock. Panic sets in quickly. Trying to swim while hyperventilating is about impossible, like having an arm or two tied behind my back and someone punching me in the chest. Nothing is working correctly.

My brain is in complete freak out mode short circuiting my bodys' ability to perform on a any level, creating a negative feedback loop in which drowning and dying seem more and more likely as each second passes. I have gone from the excitement of starting the race to wanting to quit in 5 minutes. I'm eyeing the canoes for a savior and also thinking maybe I'd rather just drown than face myself and others saying "I quit".

I had traveled 4,400 miles to do this race. I had completed a half Ironman to qualify for this race. I had prepared and trained for 9 months to do this race. I had trained for years to qualify and be able to do this race distance. I had sacrificed other things in my life to train and to be able to race. Those thoughts began to compete with the negative thoughts for my focus and attention.

I stopped and just floated for a while, it feels like about an hour and was really maybe 15-30 seconds. I took some deep breaths and started to relax. I rolled over onto my back and took some easy backstrokes with some very deep breaths. I just kept breathing and focusing on the in and out to relax. I hit a mental and physical "reset" button and gave myself a "do-over". What had happened was over and done.

I was not going to quit and I was not going to die. All the negative thoughts my brain was presenting me were there to "help" preserve my life. I made the choice to ignore them and to continue. I was not going to give up and regret that decision the rest of my life. I was not going to throw away everything building up to this moment.

I still had 2.3 miles to swim at that point, which was a daunting task even without the initial problems. Still, I would rather have died than quit at this point. I also knew I wasn't going to die at this point, so my only choices were continue or quit. I knew the swim was going to be hard and I decided I was going to swim and I was going to finish. I turned over and started to swim slow and counted strokes to focus on swimming and not thinking.

I made a mental plan to swim 100 stokes freestyle and then swim 20 stokes backstroke for a while to stay relaxed and just make some small incremental progress. Focusing on 2 more miles to go for 2 miles would have been mental torture. Eventually I got into a groove where I dropped the backstroke out and just swam freestyle and made each buoy the next incremental goal. Within 30 minutes I had gone from wanting to die to swimming fairly well.

I got out of the water on the 2.5 mile swim in 1 hour and 22 minutes, which actually was a good time for myself and decent compared to the competition, not even the slowest. My initial goal for the swim was 1 hour and 15 minutes, so 7 minutes in what would be a 7hr 49minute race wasn't really that big of a deal. I went on to get pelted by hail on the 75 mile bike and run 18.6 miles in pain and none of it mattered, I was going to keep going and I was going to finish. It would have taken a severe injury or act of nature to stop me at this point.

 What are some things I learned?
- Don't make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling.
- Every feeling is temporary and impermanent.
- Don't quit, it will get better, then get crappy again, it doesn't matter so Just Keep Going.
- When I'm freaking out and in panic mode, Stop and Breathe.
- I'm allowed to use the "reset button" and give myself "do-overs".

This is my second greatest race experience and learning lesson, behind only the Ironman. The confidence I gained from this race, all the training, all the obstacles and overcoming difficulties are some of the things I still pull from today when life gets hard. This race was 10 years ago and still makes a positive difference in my life and hopefully sharing my experience makes a positive difference in at least one persons' life today .

I'd love to hear what experiences changed your life and helped you learn about yourself and overcome difficulties. I read and respond to all emails: douglashilbert@yahoo.com




 

How I Manage email and social media

I'm addicted to email, Facebook, Twitter and whatever else tech... This stuff is accessible 24/7, even better than a mainline of chocolate hooked up straight to my brain, it is irresistible. When I see an icon for a new email I must check it to see what it is. I must check to see what's "new" on Facebook and Twitter feeds. When I have 30 seconds standing in line at the store I go for the phone to get a fix. It's basically insanity.

I am reacting like a dog to external stimulation, the majority of which is noise and not relevant to my day or me, probably ever. If I get 100 emails a day, maybe 1 is actually time sensitive and maybe another 2 are actually important for that day. The other 90+ are spam, ads, people wanting me to do something, ask a question, occupy my time, waste my time or whatever, they are not important or not necessarily needing an immediate or even timely response.

Even though I know I am addicted, the knowledge on its' own is not enough to stop the behavior. I will sit there, see the icon, tell myself not to look at the phone and bam, even though I am actively mentally resisting the action I still do it. Then I m'f myself for looking and actually go ahead and gorge on email, Facebook, Twitter and maybe even Pinterest. Once I crack, I'm cracking all the way.

So, I have to enact rules and strategies to combat this problem, and it really is a problem on a few levels.

First, every time I switch tasks or become distracted it takes mental energy and physical time to refocus on what I was initially doing. Subsequently, once I lose focus, the probability of me not completing what I was working on goes up significantly. I see a Facebook post, click the link, start to browse links online and I'm 15 tabs deep on something and forgot what I was doing 10 minutes earlier. Happens all the time.

More importantly, I do not like feeling addicted and a slave to email and social media. I have effectively cut out radio and TV news already and had a positive affect. While I choose not to totally eliminate email and social media, I know I need to take control of them and manage them so they are positive in my life and not negative. I can no longer be a passive victim to them, so I need to change.

Here are some simple steps I have taken to manage technology in my life:
1. No email or social media before breakfast - Upon waking the first thing I was doing in bed was checking emails, none of which were ever important b/c I checked it the previous night at 10pm and no one was emailing me anything important overnight. Normally it was 30 ads and a few newsletters which I may or may not ever read. Then I'd lay there and check Facebook and Twitter next. 30-45 minutes later I'm pissed off for wasting my time b/c none of it mattered.

I've been doing this for 8 days now and I have not missed one important overnight email and as for Facebook and Twitter, I didn't miss anything b/c really none of that is important any way. I feel less stressed and I have more time to get done for myself what I need too. I'm making myself my #1 priority first thing in the day, which helps build positive self-esteem and is a good self-care routine.

2. I turned off Push / Fetch email function on my phone - My phone was initially set up to push email to me. A "1" would pop up on the mail icon of my phone to immediately alert me of a new email. Once I saw the "1" I was checking it without conscious thought most of the time. I was a mindless habit to check it and 90% of the time it was spam or an ad. I'd then get pissed I wasted my time checking my email to see an ad, but I wouldn't waste the time to unsubscribe, so I'd keep getting them. I could not, not check it b/c "what if the email is important?"... It never was or it never was something which could not have waited at least a few hours. If it's really critical someone would call or text me, like in a real emergency, they would not email me.

I have since turned of push and even fetch, which was an option for the phone to check my email for me every 15, 30, 45 or 60 minutes. I have chosen to check email at 8am, 10am, 12pm, 2pm and 4pm and only those times. Physically having to click the icon to check it gives me that moment to tell myself it's not time and the ability to resist the desire to check it works. I just could not resist checking it when I was alerted there was something new there. I see friends who have 4002 emails they haven't opened and I'm jealous of their ability not to check and read and delete them all, that's not me for sure!

3. Turned off cellular data for social media - I was checking Facebook and Twitter over and over and over to see what was "new" and really, there is never anything new that I could not live without and I'd say there was likely never anything important which actually affected my life. For family, I could just go to their profiles when I wanted to see new photos of their kids and whatever else is important. Every time I was checking feeds I was basically living other peoples' lives and not my own. Not that social media is not good for downtime or entertainment, as social media is fairly entertaining, I knew I was wasting my time and nothing positive was coming from it.

I'm not ready to eliminate social media and I do use it for work, which makes managing it a bit trickier. So, for now I turned off cellular data for social media so I can only access and check them when I am on Wi-Fi. I also leave Wi-Fi off because when I have to actively turn on Wi-Fi, log into a network and then check a feed I just don't do it. It seems like a lot of work mentally and the payoff of what may be on the feed isn't worth the effort.

4. Turn off alerts in Notification Center - Just like alerts for new emails I was also getting alerts of all kinds for social media. So I'd get a "1" when someone tagged me, friended me, messaged me or whatever else happens on social media. Again, nothing of significant importance and definitely nothing time sensitive. Still, once I saw that notification "1" I was mindlessly checking it to see what it was.

This one is pretty easy and obvious, although I have to go back to the notification center every few days b/c some of the apps have this magic ability to turn themselves back on somehow, it's freaking annoying.


I am the master of my phone and have set it up so I am in control of it and rarely ever reacting to it and now, never a victim to it and thus have not wanted to throw it into traffic once this week. I am using it to my advantage, as with any tool, and most importantly when I need it. I needed to structure the system, so I am not distracted and not surprised and not addicted to the constant stimulation.

I am more important to myself in my life than any of the inputs trying to get into my brain from the outside world. This makes me happier, calmer and actually in a better place to respond to those few important emails I get a day. I also have more time to think and be creative. I find I have added time and am less rushed. Overall, my quality of life has improved by implementing these small changes to manage technology.

I'd love to hear your ideas on how you manage email and social media as well!

I read and respond to every email, just not within 20 seconds :)
douglashilbert@yahoo.com

Zen and the Art of Doug Maintenance

Today I had a dentist appointment... because something was wrong. Actually, something had been wrong for a while, but I waited and procrastinated until I thought I might need teeth removed before actually doing something about it. I had not been to the dentist since January 2012 apparently, or that's factually, so I had not been in 2 years and 10 months. 

Why not? Well I likely cancelled an appointment and then making a new one landed on my to-do list and well, it just never got done. At a certain point I knew I needed to go and created a mental block of not wanting to go b/c I'd be embarrassed for not going and now having issues. I also didn't want to know the bad news, so out of fear I was avoiding going and potentially hearing something negative. Of course, I did not know what was wrong and when I left today, everything will be fine, so my worst fears weren't even close to reality. FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real. 

I am and have been notoriously horrible at routine maintenance in all aspects of my life. For example, right now I'm a few thousand miles over the 10,000 miles between oil changes. I know I'm over mileage, it's on a sticker on my windshield, the car digitally tells me every time I turn it on, it's not expensive to do and not really even a large time commitment. I just haven't gotten to it yet.

I started a To-Do list in the notes section of my iPhone... The dentist was on there for a while and when I made the appointment Tuesday, I noticed I had not updated my to-do list for 22 days... Not so effective apparently. The oil change is on there, along with making a medical appointment, getting a bid on fixing my windshield, calling a plumber and meeting my tattoo artist. Nothing life or death there, but they are things hanging open I am not getting done. 

Not going for my dental cleaning or oil change on time do not directly result in a catastrophe the next day, but they can over 6 months, 1 year, 2 years or 10 years. With the distance between the negative consequences and the lack of action today there is a mental disconnect which appears. I can rationalize putting it off another day b/c "what's one more day"... Until one more day becomes one year or my car breaks down, home falls apart or health fails. 

Mentally, the small dings to my self esteem for not completing anything on my to-do list leads to me ignoring the existence of the list altogether, problem being I still know it's there. I just keep battling myself, rationalizing, mentally masturbating and eventually just saying "fuck it, I don't care". It never really goes away and nothing improves until I simply just complete the items on the list.  Again, none of them are hard to do in any way. The only roadblock in the situation appears to be me, so the solution lies in changing me. 

Maintenance is not exciting, in my opinion it is boring and safe and normal and thus, maintenance and my self-image don't really mesh well. Maintenance is conforming and I say "fuck the man and fuck the system" and then my teeth fall out or car breaks down. Not getting my oil changed or teeth cleaned doesn't make me a rebel or maverick, it makes me irresponsible. I assume even the Hells Angels do routine maintenance on their motorcycles. 

I also like to live free and not under the control of others or systems or whatever, mostly to my own self detriment at times. When I was young I was going to grow up and do whatever the hell I wanted, when I wanted and now look at how that worked out! It's a good day when I make my bed, brush my teeth and floss, meditate, workout, eat well, go to bed at a normal time and all kinds of other "normal" basic things. I can accomplish great things which require great effort, like an Ironman triathlon, but try to get me to make my bed every morning and it becomes a challenge.

Basically I have ADD, until I find something to OCD about... That pretty much explains how the monkey brain operates this thing called Doug. The ADD is easily bored and not stimulated by such boring things like oil changes and it seeks around all day looking for something exciting to get into... When the ADD finds the excitement it then turns the OCD on and I'm hooked. I've known this for some time, so unfortunately intellectual knowledge did not solve the problem. 

In the past I have been extremely OCD with my schedule, training and diet and drove myself fucking insane trying to perfectly complete it on a daily basis... Thus, my next strategy was to simply have no schedule and just make shit up daily as I go. I can't obsess over something that doesn't exist, so problem solved right? Not so much. I traded the stress of trying to be perfect with the stress of being totally out of control and having to react to everything. So, I've tried each extreme end of the spectrum and neither works for me. 

So what works that I've found??? 

First, I needed to change my opinion of maintenance to one where it benefits me. I benefit with lower costs of not fixing large problems, I benefit with increased self-esteem from completing goals, I benefit as my health, vehicle and home are in better condition, I benefit with decreased future stress, and so on... It's so responsible sounding I feel old! 

Second, I needed to change my opinion of myself. I can still be a maverick, rebel, free or whatever and also maintain things I need in my life, especially my health. The two are not mutually exclusive and really it's not cool to be irresponsible, which is what I was really being. 

Third, I implemented some tools to assist: 

Meditation - An antidote for ADD and OCD... My meditation practice is designed to increase Mindfulness. ADD is being distracted and jumping from thing to thing until I find something to OCD, obsess, about. Then I'm lost for hours down the rabbit hole of whatever I'm OCD over. Mindfulness meditation practice teaches me to focus on something, my breath, and when I lose focus I simply refocus, over and over and over. This helps me stay focused in the rest of the normal/routine day and also allows me to notice when I am obsessing over something and being able to detach from it sooner to not waste time. 

Lift.do - It's a website (www.lift.do) where I enter my goals, how many times a week or day I want to do them, then I go in and check them off when I do them. It's all public and there are many other people doing the same thing. There is something to setting goals, even simple ones, and making them public so I am accountable. I don't know any of the other people on the website, but for some reason I feel like I need to do the things I set goals for b/c I want to check off I did it. 

My 4 goals on Lift right now:

1.  Meditate Daily

2.  Blog 5 days per week

3.  No email before Breakfast (I've actually changed mine to 10am)

4.  No alcohol 

A great resource for working on this is the Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande

http://atulgawande.com/book/the-checklist-manifesto/

I'd love to hear your scheduling routine, tips and other ideas!

I read and reply to all emails - douglashilbert@yahoo.com 

When I Stop Complaining

"People won't have time for you if you are always angry or complaining." - Stephen Hawking

If anyone has a reason to complain, it may be Stephen Hawking. He is almost paralyzed from a motor neuron disease related to Lou Gehrig's disease. It has continually gotten worse over his lifetime and now he communicates with a computer speech generator. Yet, I've never read a quote in which he complains about his physical health condition, ever. 

Complain (verb): 1. to express dissatifaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment or grief; find fault



To deconstruct the word and it's use = Complaints are by definition human "expression", they are thus not necessarily factual or true. Complaints are my expression of dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment and grief or my finding of fault with a person, place, thing or event.

It is human to not like certain people, places, things or events and it is human to have emotional reactions to those things. It is not a requirement that I attach to those negative emotions, form mental constructs and speak them out loud though. That is my choice. 

Like Stephen Hawkings' quote, I don't like hanging around people who are angry or complain all the time either. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting for me to sit and listen to someone drone on and on about all the things wrong. It makes me want to complain about how much they complain! Thus, my solution is to avoid them or if stuck in their prescence I zone out and say "hmmm, hmmm..." a lot. I build walls and install filters to protect myself from complainers and the negativity. Not the best way to connect as humans.  

When I complain it is simply me emotionally reacting to situations, attaching to the subsequent emotions/thoughts and then, not being mindful, expressing those thoughts through my behavior and speech. I'm on emotional auto-pilot, the lizard is driving the brain and who knows what I'm going to say or do. It can ruin an entire day and really annoy everyone I run into when I complain about whatever happened b/c of so and so. Really, no one else cares what I'm complaining about any way.

The main issue I have with complaining is that there is no solution presented for the problem, just commentary about the problem and why the problem is so bad. If someone makes a complaint and presents a solution that is awesome, as I think if there is a solution presented then it really isn't a complaint. Someone just told a story of something they did not like and what they are going to do to change it. Otherwise... No solution = just complaining.

America and americans are the world champions of complaning and then presenting no solutions. The news, government, friends, family, co-workers, everyone does it... Complaints and complaints and complaints and very few solutions. Complaining and being offended have now become ways of pretending to do something when in reality, it's just complaining, nothing is actually being done and no problems are being solved.

A perfect example, on a minute by minute basis, is Facebook posts, which 90% of seem to be simply reposts of complaints, not even new original posts with new personal complaints. The complaining is so lazy online that people just share others' complaints and maybe write a sentence about how horrible something is. This may be a news flash - No protest or Facebook post ever changed anyones mind - ever.

I used to complain all the time and felt justified in my complaining because I was "right" or someone screwed me or something wasn't fair. Well, maybe those judgments were true but they didn't change the reality of what had happened. Life is not fair, I don't always get what I want, I do lose and lose often. I've lost a lot of money, houses, cars, businesses, my health, my mind, been divorced and had a lot of "bad things happen to me". Complaining about any of them did not fix the problem, which the whole time, the problem was me.

Complaining is a surefire sign of me being a victim (also a narcissist). Being a victim is helpless, weak, passive and I have found being a victim does not work for me being successful or happy. So I've been working on not complaining, which is much easier said than done. I didn't realize all the small complaints I made every day. I could catch myself bitch and moan about some large things, but there were many small irritants I was reacting to on a daily basis.

When presented with a negative emotional state like anger and wanting to complain, I now try to practice the 4 R's:

1. RECOGNIZE: I have an uneasy mindset (anger, frustration, dissapointment) at this time b/c of x, y or z (whatever is not going my way)

2. REFRAIN: Stop and take a breath, don't do anything, don't react, don't say anything stupid... If it's bad take a deep breath in and exhale forcefully until no more air can be blown out... Repeat

3. RELAX: Keep breathing and accept the temporary nature of the situation I am in. Accept the old way of complaining doesn't solve any problems and the emotions and negative thoughts will pass.

4. RESOLVE: When removed from the situation and not emotionally charged - Construct a solution to the situation which brought about the uneasy mindset... if there is no solution, accept it and let it go

To do a No Complaining challenge visit "A Complaint Free World":
http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org/

I'd love to hear your experiences with No Complaining!

I read all emails - douglashilbert@yahoo.com

  

   

No News = Happier

When Ferguson exploded I had this immediate reaction that I wanted to "know" more about what was going on. So, I turned on the news that Monday morning and logged into Facebook and Twitter to see what was being said by all the "experts".

After all, I work in north county a few days a week, I was listing a home for sale in Ferguson a mile from the Quiktrip, our company manages many rental homes in Ferguson and thus - I had many rational and logical reasons to know what is going on.

From then on, I was constantly listening to news on the radio, turning on the TV - then changing channels for more "news"... I was checking my Facebook feed and reloading my twitter feed... I was searching hashtags and clicking links and and and... Essentially, my brain became addicted to the situation and Insanity had taken over.

In the case of Ferguson... What was I going to do about anything going on? Nothing. Was it directly affecting me in any moment in time? No. Was the 'news' I was learning helping me make any decisions in my life? No. Is my opinion about Ferguson important? No. Do I have enough factual information to even have an opinion? No.

In the case of anything else on the local or national or political or business news... What was I going to do about any of it? Nothing. Was it directly affecting me in any moment in time? No. Was the 'news' I was learning helping me make any decisions in my life? No. Does anyone care about my opinion of any of it? No.

When discovering something brings me no positive benefit there is only one sane choice - it must be eliminated. Thus, 'No News' began. 

I am not sure of the exact date, I now likely have over 60 days of no news. Now I can't 100% avoid the news with a computer and iPhone, so I'm not perfectly avoiding it; I have installed a filter over what I am allowing in my brain. I see posts and make a choice to not read them, engage with them, comment on them. It's difficult sometimes, I read a headline and want to click the link and get sucked in, so it's still an active effort. Progress not perfection!

What have I found since doing this?
- I'm generally happier and more positive
- More time to do what I want to do
- Less worry and anxiety over things I cannot control
- Better communication/connections with people as I don't default to discussing the news
- I have not missed one news event which directly affected me as no news events have directly affected me